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Learning to Listen: A Humbling Lesson

I can't stop thinking about her. As I watched her walking away, already almost to the end of the mall parking lot, pulling her backpack tight around her shoulders as if it could make her invisible, I debated for a split second asking my friend to drive me up to her so I could beg her forgiveness and ask for a do over. But I didn't.

Instead I've turned our encounter over and over in my mind until it has become like a stone polished smooth by ocean waves. My prayers vacillate between petitions to make me a better person and then feeling too full of hubris by making it about me and asking God to just simply watch out for her.

It was a routine event I've experienced many times but I wish I could go back in time and open myself to being present and listening to another human speak to me.



I had dinner with a group of friends and had planned to pay for my portion with a credit card. The credit card I gave the server was declined. I had been fairly sure that I had room on that card but when it was declined I panicked a bit and hesitated to give her a different one unsure if I had mixed up balances or if there was a problem (I've been a victim of identity theft in the past but it turned out I had forgotten a yearly fee that had automatically processed that day). So, with the help of a couple of my friends chipping in, I spent my remaining cash on my share of the bill.

As we left and were getting into my friend's car a woman approached me and asked in a very soft voice if she could ask me a question. She asked a second time, a bit louder, to be sure I heard her and knew that she was directing her question to me. I didn't answer. Instead I told her sharply that if she needed help I was very sorry but I did not have any cash. Taken aback by my curt lecture, she slunk down and hurried off.

As I got in the car I realized that I had half my meal left over in a doggie bag. I had been so busy focusing on my worries and embarrassment and feeling of lack that I completely forgot what I had right in my hand. When I am approached by panhandlers I am often in a rush and alone. Not that it excuses my impatience but it makes me unlikely to stop and dig through my purse to find my wallet and open it up on the street. Also, given the recession and the fact that I live in a large urban area, simply running errands and going to the grocery store means that I can encounter half-a-dozen requests for aid or more in a single morning. But I feel helpless in the face of relentless need. I think to myself, better to give to a good organization rather than trying to pick and choose between individuals. The result is that I have already answered "no" before I am even asked.

I didn't give the woman in the parking lot a chance to speak. I don't know what she wanted to ask me. I just assumed, my heart hardened by the weight of so many requests. If I had allowed her to ask me what she wanted perhaps she would have requested money or indicated a need for food. I still had two dollar bills in my wallet and some change in addition to the bagged up food I planned to take home to have for lunch the next day. If that is what she needed, I could have given that to her. I had a check in my wallet, a bed to sleep in and kitchen to return to - I could live without a few dollars and some leftovers. Maybe she could not.

I have not been immune to the difficulties of the recession many of us have struggled with. But there for the grace of God go I. This I know. I wish that I had stopped and listened to the woman who wanted to ask me a question rather than the voices of fear in my head. I wish I had remembered the the stories I've never forgotten of similar encounters and how women I admire reacted in similar situations guide my actions instead. And I can only hope the next time she asks that she is heard.

How do you handle being approached by strangers? Do you have a standard response or do you respond based on the request? Is there a way we can best help those individuals in need especially given the economic difficulties so many face these days?

The stories I've never forgotten:

Jen Lemen: Everything We Needed: A Story about Vince, Me & the Streets of DC

The guy starts to talk, but I cut him off. “Tell me,” I ask him warmly, feeling like it’s old home week. “What do you need? Tell me what you really need.”...

I don’t know why I do these things, but I think it has to have something to do with wanting to feel the common threads that tie us all together. You can do something nice for someone which is all fine and good, but when you can connect–human being to human being–that goes so much farther than ten bucks at the Sunoco ever will....

What do you need to know today? I hope someone comes your way to help you know it in a powerful way.

Julie at Tangobaby: please please please let's help her

I met this beautiful family on my way home from a photo shoot today. I walked past them, just like the other people on their way home. I admit it. I saw her and sailed on by. I read her sign ($60 for a motel room... you know what kind of motel room $60 will get you in this city).

But I had seen the tears in her eyes, too, and so halfway down the block, I yelled at myself inside my head for being an asshole and went back. I had $30 in my wallet and gave it to her.

I'm not telling you this story so you can think I'm some sort of hero, 'cause I'm not.

Carolyn Tyler at KGO-TV: Homeless woman helped by Good Samaritan

When Julie Michelle got to the end of the block she turned around.

"So you go back and?" asked ABC7's Carolyn Tyler.

"Give her my $30 and tell her I would do more but I just lost my job," said Julie Michelle.

If she had not lost her job, Julie says she never would have been walking around the day she met the young woman.

BlogHer CE Mata H: A foolish thing I do when I am anxious about money

I have developed my own cure for those moments of anxiety which I offer here. I do a stupid thing. Something so stupid that if I had real reason to be anxious, I would be unable to do it-- consequently the doing undoes the anxiety. It is the Zen of financial anxiety for me. (I do not recommend this as a financial strategy - I am not a money doctor - your mileage may vary and all the usual caveats.)...

I gather up all the coinage in my pocket or at the bottom of my purse -- I wait until no one is around, and I throw it away. As I do it I know that if I had real reason to be fearful, I would never do this. So the fear leaves.

Image credit: Wikimedia Commons

Wrapping Up The 2009 Hunger Challenge

Today is the last day of The Hunger Challenge. I want to leave you with a round-up of some thoughts and resources.

I wrote my second post for BlogHer about the challenge yesterday.  I focused on taking action after the challenge is done. One action doing the challenge this year reminded me of is to find ways in which to get spices, oils and cooking utensils into the hands of those who are dealing with very limited food budgets. Buying them may amortize over time but it must be hard to justify the upfront hit to your budget. But olive oil, spices and a variety of pots, pans, knives, utensils and appliances can make transforming inexpensive staples into a variety of tasty dishes easier and slightly less overwhelming.

But it's still overwhelming. Sierra Filucci, writing in The East Bay Express, shares her experience with trying to cook healthy meals for her family from scratch with local and organic ingredients. The title of the piece is Back to the Microwave.

I had some leftover green onions and one inexpensive dish I could make would be fried rice with green onion and peas. To make: heat one minced clove garlic in oil, add chopped green onion (white and green parts), add day-old cooked brown rice (from bulk bin - here are some cooking ideas), add in frozen green peas (I heat them in the microwave first but you can add them frozen - I just find they are a bit drier that way), crack an egg into the center of the rice and scramble into the rice mixture. Add salt and pepper to taste.

With my copious quantities of pasta I made macaroni and cheese because I was able to get cheese inexpensively with a Safeway coupon. In addition to the regular $1.49 for 18 eggs deal, Safeway has some kind of super deal I can take advantage of every week. The catch is that you have to spend $20 minimum to get the coupon deals. But that's how I ended up with 6 boxes of pasta for $0.69 each. This spaghetti casserole dish looks like it could be a good, inexpensive family (kid) crowd-pleaser

Another great cheap use would be pasta e fagioli soup. I like this recipe but would use the gluten pasta since the gluten-free kind is expensive. And, yeah, how do you manage chronic illnesses that require a specialized diet like gluten free on a food stamp budget? For me, I would guess polenta and rice from the bulk bins would replace pasta. Surprisingly I forgot about polenta and rice this week though both are staples for me.

Another inexpensive eating deal I recently discovered is chicken leg quarters. Grocery stores regularly feature them for less than $1.00 a pound and sometimes under $0.50 a pound if you buy a 10 pound frozen bag.

Abi Jones at Heat Eat Review reminds of the inexpensive but filling usefulness of potatoes and eggs. Another recent Safeway coupon netted me 10 pounds of potatoes for $0.99 so ideas for potatoes and eggs are very welcome in my home.  Spanish tortillas are another great recipe option but I need some practice since my first effort was an unmitigated disaster.

The couple behind The One Dollar Diet Project have a wealth of not only extremely inexpensive ways to eat but vegan to boot. The are also write thoughtfully about the issue of hunger. I highly recommend it.

One last thought I'll leave you with is this: At what income level do people qualify for food stamps where you live? Think about how much your rent or mortgage is, how much your utilities are, what your transportation costs are and how much time you spend on cooking and shopping for food. Now imagine trying to do it on the amount of income people who qualify for food stamps are doing all that on. Where you live. Around you. And remember record numbers of people are qualifying for food stamps assistance and are using food bank services.

When you are done thinking and imagining take some action. Whatever you can do will help.

Cheating on The Hunger Challenge - Again!

Last year during the hunger challenge I attended a lunch event. Oops I did it again. Today I attended an event during lunch. Eating the lunch provided is not in the spirit of the challenge.

When Congressional Representatives did their food stamp challenge, they brought their own budgeted food with them to events. Since I'm not a congressional rep with a media crew following me, just a blogger who would have stood out like a freak if I brought my own food on the BART train to a restaurant, I chose to "cheat." I also cheated by having dinner at Starbucks with a gift card I received at another event. I'm working away from home much of the time right now and I'm dealing with contingencies.

I suspect though that those who are sufficiently poor to qualify for food stamps aren't likely to be in my position and spend time networking and thus getting invited to events and getting free lunch in nice restaurants or gift card giveaways.

One thing I'm finding this time around, cheating aside, is that having gone through the challenge once, it is easier to manage this time around. I'm better tuned into spotting and recognizing bargains. If I were getting supplemental food from a food bank, I would have more ideas about how to work it into my food plans. The temporary extra $1 a day makes a huge difference.

Not only do I think it will be devastating to families when the temporary increase in their food budget is taken away, the benefits to the economy will stop. In terms of stimulating the economy, increased food stamp benefits give the biggest bang for the buck.

I was telling someone at the event today about the hunger challenge and she posed an important question: what do we do after the challenge ends?

There are so many intertwined political issues in the issues of hunger, it is important that beyond donating money to food banks to help meet immediate needs, we need to pay attention to the broader structural issues and educate ourselves and let our representatives know our concerns.

The Hunger Challenge - New Ideas and Old Memories

Much as last year, my tummy is rebelling from the change in diet and lack of fiber relative to what I usually eat. I'm also having flashbacks to this time last year when my dog Gracie was in the process of dying and wouldn't/couldn't eat anything I made for her.

This year my new frustration is my limited connectivity making it hard for me to properly blog the challenge. I've eaten English Muffins with either peanut butter or eggs for protein along with a bit of orange juice and coffee. Lunch has been ramen with a hard boiled egg and green onion. Dinner has been a piece of fish - relatively inexpensive Basa Swai simply pan fried and last night accompanied with a bit of Rice-a-Roni that I got on sale. Most of all I am reminded that food planning with this little money is like having a second job and I totally get why people, especially those feeding families, would get tired and just make what they could and run out of food before the end of the month and go hungry.

I have boatloads of pasta that I got for $0.69 a box that I'll likely use at some point. But for now I'm having soup. Even though it is the middle of a heat wave, I planned for soup and so I'm having soup. Soup is a great choice for inexpensive eating because it is flexible and can be made with whatever you can purchase inexpensively or perhaps get in a food bank package.

Start with an aromatic base - mirepoix which is a mix of celery, carrot and onion is a classic - which can be root veggies, garlic or some mix of spices. Next add liquid like broth, water or cream. Then add the main ingredients such as vegetables like potatoes, broccoli or asparagus; beans; meat or seafood. The soup I made is bean and vegetable and I made it for about $1.25 a bowl.

I used this recipe for Hearty White Bean and Kale Soup. The only substitution I made was using black pepper instead of white. I used canned beans though dry beans from a bulk bin would be cheaper. And my cheap spice resource is the legendary Rockridge Long's Drugstore which I hope will continue to be a source of everything even as it transitions to a CVS.

Onion:         $0.36
Carrots:      $0.40
Celery:        $0.20
Olive Oil:    $0.40
Garlic:         $0.05
Rosemary: $0.05
Thyme:        $0.05
Bay Leaf:    $0.01
Beans:           $1.25
Kale:             $1.54
Total:            $4.31

Assuming 4 servings that is ~$1.08/bowl which with 1 Tablespoon of grated parmesan at $0.16 comes in at $1.24 a bowl which fits into the $4.00 a day budget especially since I can get breakfast and lunch in at under a dollar each. The change I would use for a piece of fruit and one day this week I got an apple for free and had an orange for $0.50.

It's Hunger Challenge Week

And, of course, Mercury Retrograde happens and I have limited internet access. Sigh. But I will do my best to keep up with blogging the challenge.

First a bit of good news. Tyson Foods is repeating their social media support program. Comment on their blog or tweet a hunger fact with the hash tag #HChal and Tyson will donate food to Bay Area food banks. Last year that was five truckloads. The Social Media Club is supporting Tyson's social media efforts and Kristie Wells is asking everyone to up the support by donating $5 if they can this month to feeding the hungry.

On a personal note, I learned a great deal from how I did the challenge last year. This year I'm modifying my approach. Last year I purchased $21 worth of groceries and ate only that for the week. This year I recognize that I would likely buy bargains as they became available and freeze or store items to take advantage of savings. So my meals will be at the $4 a day limit for this year but using some ingredients on hand. Many of my staple items will return, however.

Staples like peanut butter which I had on an English muffin this morning for breakfast. It was a way to get some cheap protein in to start the day. Eggs on a regular coupon special at Safeway cost $1.49 for 18 so they will also appear on the menu most days. I also wisely snapped up a canister of Folger's coffee for $3.00 so I can maintain my caffeine addiction. And, of course, the return of doctored-up ramen in my life.

Breakfast thus costs out at:

Coffee:                     $0.10
OJ:                             $0.31
Peanut butter:      $0.14
English muffin:     $0.25

Total:  $0.80 and at less than $1.00 for one meal, well within my $4.00/day budget.

In my next post I'll cost out and give some ideas for soup which is a great, flexible option.

On the political front, eating this cheaply means losing the opportunity to support practices I would normally with my consumer dollars such as a more chicken-like existence for egg-laying hens (buying eggs at the farmers market where I can learn how the chickens are raised and treated) or fair trade, organic, shade-grown coffee. Beyond the challenge of feeding poor people, how can we do it in a way that is humane, respects the health and economic well being of those who grow and harvest our food and doesn't destroy the planet along the way?

How To Use Hunger To Fuel Political Activism

Last year, after reading BlogHer CE Alanna Kellogg's post about The Hunger Challenge, I joined in though I am not a food blogger like those who created the challenge. I did so because I wanted to challenge myself to increase my awareness of the political issues involved and to motivate my activism to fight hunger in America.

I hope this year other political bloggers will join me in taking the challenge. In 2007 several Members of Congress took a food stamp challenge, where they (including my Representative) lived, like last year's hunger challenge bloggers, on a food stamp budget of $21 a week.

The Congresspeople who took the challenge were not the ones who were least aware of the problem. However, the value of them taking the food stamp challenge was that it brought attention to the issues and problems and raised the members' commitment during the time that The Farm Bill was up for re-authorization.

The Farm Bill is an important piece of legislation of which many political activists are not much focused or aware. Which is a shame because it affects many issues of concern to us wonky types. In addition to being the legislation through which food stamps are authorized, it is the mechanism through which commodity crop subsidies are administered (which, if you've read The Omnivore's Dilemma, you know means we are a nation of giant ears of corn with a side dish of edamame). In addition it affects many other areas of policy such as how we provide foreign food aid.

As a result of the current recession, one in nine Americans receive food stamp assistance. As governments shed workers because of recession related funding crises and they layoff workers wait times to receive assistance grow. Food banks are overwhelmed by the increased need and gap-filling required. It is a vicious cycle that demands we as a nation examine what our basic values. Do we believe our neighbors, our community members, any human being should go hungry? And if we do not it is our duty, as citizens, to make that known to our elected representatives.

Having taken The Hunger Challenge last year, I can tell you that the effort to eat healthy on a limited budget even without some of the limitations many face (e.g., lack of access to grocery stores, no stable or secure home, food storage and cooking facilities) is more difficult than you might imagine. My consciousness and commitment to fighting hunger and raising my political voice were raised. And though my one week of individual action won't change the world, raising awareness and letting those in power know that I want structural change will.

I hope you'll consider joining me.

Learning the Lessons of the Hunger Challenge

Recently a group of bloggers who had participated in the San Francisco Food Bank's Hunger Challenge gathered to share what we learned from living on a $3 a day food budget for a week.

Contributing Editor Alanna Kellogg introduced the BlogHer community to the hunger challenge which is how I learned of it and decided to participate. Contributing Editor Beth Kanter shared her experiences using social media to fight hunger. Our blogger meeting with the food bank illustrates a way in which bloggers can share the knowledge they gain online when using social media tools.

Bloggers at our meeting included Gayle Keck of Been There Ate That, Amy Sherman of Cooking With Amy, Genie Gratto of The Inadvertent Gardener, Vanessa Barrington, Faith J. Kramer of Blog Appetit and me.

In addition to the recipes the food bloggers who took the challenge contributed and our collective blogging, we were able to describe more in depth the experience of taking the challenge including shopping, food preparation, family issues and our personal experience. We could answer questions that perhaps we hadn't thought of covering and share what we learned from reader comments. And beyond fund and awareness raising we could more fully assist the food bank in helping them best serve their clients.

A key lesson I took away from our meeting is that in addition to figuring out how we can create blog action events or participate in them, bloggers can bring back their learning and expertise and share them with organizations we support (As Beth Kanter did here). Fund raising and raising awareness of issues is crucial but bloggers are at the leading edge of changing the way we tackle a multitude of problems. Let's take it a step further and share what we discover out there on the edge.

The lessons are not just for the organizations bloggers seek to help, however. One lesson that came out of this challenge was an opportunity to learn how to better serve blog readers. For instance, developing tasty and lower cost healthy recipes is content that is certainly in demand these days. For my blog, since I'm not a food blogger and focus often on politics and policy, I have a better sense of issues such as the lack of grocery stores in parts of the community and can discuss those social justice aspects. An example of this is a couple, both teachers, who challenged themselves to eat on $1 a day with a focus on these aspects of hunger.

Another follow up from the Hunger Challenge was that Tyson Foods learned of the effort (from a tweet by Amy Sherman) and set up a blog comment challenge. The result was a 300,000+ pound donation to bay area food banks.

Here is a slide show of the delivery to the SF Food Bank featuring Faith and Amy:

Cross posted at BlogHer

The Hunger Challenge - Day 7

Just when I was getting the hang of eating this way.

But I bought some groceries today and I look forward to getting back to my usual ways tomorrow.  Tonight, though, I went out with a bang.  I burned my spinach.  Hours later I'm still trying to air out the smell but I suspect I will go to sleep with a reminder of how I failed my final test.  If I had no option of eating anything else and I was at the end of my food and I burned up the last of it - the frustration would be intense.

I survived with the help of coupons and carry overs so I had a bit of food left over.  Half a bag of whole wheat pasta, two bread ends and most of a jar of peanut butter.  If I hadn't had those freebies and cheated at lunch one day I would have eaten the remaining bread and noodles with peanut butter.  Hey - Thai!  Holding on to some positive thinking would be necessary for survival, I'd think.

But I ate almost everything I purchased for my $21.91 including half the pasta, a small carton (2 cups) of tomato sauce, a bag of frozen spinach, a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, six packets of ramen, a quart of yogurt, a bag of frozen strawberries, half a gallon of orange juice, a bundle of green onions, 1 head of baby bok choy, 1/2 cup brown rice, 1/4 lb black beans, 1/2 yellow onion, 3 bananas, 2 apples and several tablespoons of peanut butter.  Written out like that it sounds like a lot more than it felt like.

Without a doubt my awareness has been raised by this challenge in a visceral way.  Perhaps the things that I've most realized is that the planning required is exhausting and the monotony is crushing.  Eating healthy and getting sufficient nutrients and fiber is difficult at best.

Most of all, I get that I don't get it.  I cannot really understand all the weight of dealing with this day in - day out.  And add in feeding a family - that I really cannot wrap my mind around.

I end this challenged in immense gratitude for the blessings of my life and renewed in my commitment to work to end hunger.  I hope you'll share that goal with me.  Please consider donating time or money or blogging the issue - a few considerations:

San Francisco Food Bank
Alameda County Community Food Bank
Feeding America
Share Our Strength

The Hunger Challenge - Day 6

I think I've got the hang of this challenge.

And that's a somewhat scary thought.  I'm getting used to eating this not terribly nutritious diet.  In terms of feeling or not feeling hungry, that is.  The repetition is no fun. And the free smoothies are totally saving me.  Coupons are a godsend.

Creating a healthy, well balanced, filling diet with enough fiber and nutrients is a job unto itself.  And I work from home so I don't have any considerations about what I'd eat if I had to take lunch with me to work even if I could.  I'm learning so much from this challenge.

Today:

Breakfast: 2 slices toast, 2 eggs (sunny side up) $0.54
                      smoothie (free with coupon)
Lunch:       2 slices toast, peanut butter, apple $1.07
Dinner:      pasta, tomato sauce, spinach, orange juice $1.10

Total: $2.71

The Hunger Challenge - Day 5

Well it's a little easier today.

First, last night, my spirits raised by good memories and music found on friendfeed, I made myself a fried egg sandwhich which helped with the hunger.  I realized that I had eggs and bread and even though eating the entire loaf and dozen is a bit much - hey, if I was hungry (and I am) I'd eat what I had.

Anyhow, I had an egg sandwich today which helped.  I'm hungry now but less so than previous days.

My menu today was breakfast smoothie (last one - thought I'd measured out for 6 but miscalculated so only 5), egg sandwich, ramen with egg & green onion (saving the remaining bok choy for later) and beans and rice for dinner.

You might remember that last night I burned the rice I purchased for the challenge.  So (again) I cheated a bit.  I made a large pan of baked brown rice (Alanna Kellogg's recipe is genius - the rice turns out perfectly and so tasty you want to eat it plain straight out of the oven).  If I used food stamps all the time I would purchase a large quantity of rice in bulk and always have a batch cooked up in the fridge so I used the equivalent amount to yesterdays disaster and the total meal cost remained under $1.00.

Two days left - the end is near - for me.  But not for many others.  Please consider donating to a food bank - I guarantee you it will be appreciated more than you know.